The last two weeks have been hard, and until today I didn’t really know why.
Yes, there were alot of things going on that were stressing me out. But it was nothing worse then things I’ve experienced before, so I couldn’t understand why it was affecting me so badly this time.
Then I realised;
I am simply just not okay.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that.
I haven’t wanted to write blog posts, even though I have so many ideas, or do lectures and despite sleeping more than ever; I feel more tired than ever.
Something in me snapped tonight, I got angry. I needed to start making changes to my life. Get back in control and bring some positivity back into my life. I made some healthy meals, an especially healthy lunch for tomorrow. Planned out my outfits for the week to make my mornings easier and took the first steps to getting some long term help for the way I am feeling.
I am fortunate to be where I am, have what I have and do what I do. I think sometimes I get so buried in negatives that I let them bury me down until I can’t get out of bed in the morning. Theres no need to get into that state.
Whilst this isn’t necessarily a blog post I would usually write. It’s 100% a journal into the personal growth I have gone through. When I started this blog I realised that I couldn’t leave stuff like this out. That I shouldn’t let the pressure to write blog posts for views overcome the main goal of this blog. To grow, and remind myself that change is good and I am changing for the better.
Tonight I’ve been through plenty of my old blog posts about things I want to do. I have seen those posts, where I let my self-doubt stand in the way of doing those things.
No More
I wrote a list of those things. And I started putting those plans in place. Because I am done being complacent, and I am not prepared to disappoint myself anymore.
Though this is a letter to myself. I hope that whoever reads this will get something from it too.
Don’t be held back by yourself, thrive.
abigailgrows 